First Class Free

JANUARY 10, 2011.  "We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us.” -Virginia Satir

Newsweek last December 9th did a story that spoke to how research shows Blaming Others is Contagious.  Yes, I think we've all seen that for ourselves as some point whether it was on the playground or around a conference room table with fellow managers.  This learned human behavior is one of the first things I remember when I started the practice of Yoga.  I'd get on the mat and if class was hard for me I'd blame the teacher (clearly they made it too hard, it wasn't me).  If I couldn't balance I'd blame the students around me for falling out of the pose and distracting me, it wasn't me.  If I had difficulty holding downward dog or plank pose I'd blame the teacher for keeping us there too long, it wasn't about my upper body strength or tendency to give up too soon.  And if I got confused by the instructions of a teacher it for sure wasn't about me not listening, the teacher was unclear.

We live in a victimized society.  

And as many of you know my story I have on three very distinct occasions been victimized whether it was being run over by a car as a pedestrian or losing my Father when he was a young 59 years old due to negligence at the hospital.  I have struggled with what it means to be a victim and what is meant by victim rights and for while there I got really good at blaming others for the quality of my life.  

Then I realized the more I blamed others the more judgmental I became of everyone and everything.  I stopped thinking about the intention and effort others were putting in.  Or as Jen Gray Blackburn writes,  ‎"You will find life a whole lot easier if you can keep in mind that most people are just trying to do the best they can..." And now every time I step on my yoga mat I remember to take responsibility for myself and my breath and my poses.  No one else is to blame.

Yoga is the anti-victim mentality.

And as a teacher of yoga and for those aspiring teachers you have to know that most if not all students will go through this same evolution and not to take it personally.  You will be the person in front of them causing the friction (or at least that's what they'll think) until they take over responsibility for themselves and transform their lives.  Jackie Robinson puts it like this, “I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me... All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.”

Really what spiritual practice is teaching is nicely summarized by Stacey Charter, “Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad.”  Through the time we make for ourselves on the mat we begin to realize this whether slowly or quickly but at some point a shift happens and you stop blaming others and instead take full responsibility saying to yourself as a constant inner mantra I am loving myself, I am loving my day and I am loving my life! Now I'd love for you to imagine a world where the contagion of blame has disappeared forever! When blame disappears only love will remain. Big love in all ways, Silvia

*Dedicated to all those yoga teachers out there teaching their hearts out and serving as the catalyst for change in the world!

SEPTEMBER 5, 2010.  Newsweek last December 9th did a story that spoke to how research shows Blaming Others is Contagious.  Yes, I think we've all seen that for ourselves as some point whether it was on the playground or around a conference room table with fellow managers.  This learned human behaviour is one of the first things I remember when I started the practice of Yoga.  I'd get on the mat and if class was hard for me I'd blame the teacher (clearly they made it too hard, it wasn't me).  If I couldn't balance I'd blame the students around me for falling out of the pose and distracting me, it wasn't me.  If I had difficulty holding downward dog or plank pose I'd blame the teacher for keeping us there too long, it wasn't about my upper body strength or tendency to give up too soon.  And if I got confused by the instructions of a teacher it for sure wasn't about me not listening, the teacher was unclear.

We live in a victimized society.  

And as many of you know my story I have on three very distinct occasions been victimized whether it was being run over by a car as a pedestrian or losing my Father when he was a young 59 years old due to negligence at the hospital.  I have struggled with what it means to be a victim and what it meant by victim rights and for while there I got really good at blaming others for the quality of my life.  

Then I realized the more I blamed others the more judgmental I became of everyone and everything.  I stopped thinking about the intention and effort others were putting in.  Or as Jen Gray Blackburn writes,  ‎"You will find life a whole lot easier if you can keep in mind that most people are just trying to do the best they can..." And now every time I step on my yoga mat I remember to take responsibility for myself and my breath and my poses.  No one else is to blame.

Yoga is the anti-victim mentality.

And as a teacher of yoga and for those aspiring teachers you have to know that most if not all students will go through this same evolution and not to take it personally.  You will be the person in front of them causing the friction (or at least that's what they'll think) until they take over responsibility for themselves and transform their lives.  Jackie Robinson puts it like this, “I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me... All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.”

Really what spiritual practice is teaching is nicely summarized by Stacey Charter, “Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”  Through the time we make for ourselves on the mat we begin to realize this slowly, quickly but at some point a shift happens and you stop blaming others and instead take full responsibility saying to yourself as a constant inner mantra I am loving myself, I am loving my day and I am loving my life!  Imagine a world where the contagion of blame has disappeared forever!  Peace to the world, Silvia

FEBRUARY 3, 2010:  I went back to read Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and what I was focused on today as I prepared for Yoga Teacher Training focused on Inversions and Arm Balances was where she writes, “You must be polite with yourself when you are learning something new.”  This could be applied to any situation whether it be a pose or a relationship with our partner.  That we be polite with ourselves and see each situation, each moment as new so we grow our insight.

It is easy to let ourselves believe that doing only what we like (same old thing) will make us happy and doing what we don’t like will make us unhappy.  Yogic philosophy would have us understand that this is too narrow a definition of happiness and that it actually sets the stage for unhappiness because our degree of contentment becomes based on something outside ourselves.  For instance, if our partner does exactly what we want (meets all sorts of conditions) then we will be happy. Or if we have chocolate then we are happy, or if we lose 5 pounds.  However true happiness is UNCONDITIONAL.  This is defined as a state where we find contentment in any situation (tough pose, stuck in traffic, our partners moodiness, no milk in the house, illness, job loss). 

So on the mat we meet poses that are our nemeses.  We actually make ourselves face our discomforts to come to terms with why we don’t like something. Is it fear, or worry or embarrassment?  And how do we respond:  ignore them and don’t try, approach them timidly, get overwhelmed, get angry, blame the pose?  What is really going on?

I promise, if you practice yoga you will learn to find more effective ways to face the challenges of your life. (You know the nemesis moments, your dislikes).  YOGA IS A STUDY IN HOW YOU DEAL WITH DIFFICULTIES IN YOUR LIFE.  That’s it.  And can you make peace with what life is trying to teach you?  Lessons in patience, in humility, in acceptance?

If we don’t apply this then we will continue to live imbalanced lives thinking that true happiness alludes us because it is only as a result of doing things we like (or having our family members or partners or bosses or colleagues do it all our way.).  Essentially what’s strong will get stronger (our ego) and what’s weak will atrophy.  We need this practice now more than ever! Mostly because the world is not a game of solitaire, this is a group activity. We share this space ship we call Earth with a lot of other creatures and the sooner we stop blaming others for the quality of our life the sooner the whole world will become MORE POLITE WITH ITSELF.

Love yourself, love your day, love your life, love everyone in your life! Silvia